She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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