I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
