We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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