mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
