I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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