Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
