I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
