I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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