is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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