her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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