so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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