i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
