Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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