can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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