Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
FUCK WHALES
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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