I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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