does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
