my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
