If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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