did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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