wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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