A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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