some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize