So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
