My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
