I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
