no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
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We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I want a musical about memes.
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