remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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