"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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