we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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