He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
