clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
