If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
