You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
