If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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