broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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