C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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