Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
