I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
