Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
