Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
