I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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