So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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