Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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