When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
