I feel like abortions should bother me more
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
