We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I know her cup size but not her name....
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
