i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
