Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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