i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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