I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
