you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
