i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
