Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
