Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
