I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
