On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
