I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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