i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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