dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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