Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
