Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
