You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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