fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
