I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
