hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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