He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
